I think the framerate is painful to watch. 20 at some peaks? What are you recording with. Your computer may not have enough cpu to use a good recorder, record larger screens, and add audio. I would suggest picking a lightweight recorder and recording small (320 or 480 width). The overlay with audio later so that you can use more resources for the recording part.
You can also split up the intro. Instead of Mythruna:..., you can have a mythruna page, then credit paul, then say that you are independent and that this game is pre-alpha.
The reason i do not put much into it, i don't try to edit my videos at all! i use WLMM (Windows Live Movie Maker) and it takes 100 minutes to convert into a movie. i would try to click "save as.." and instead of a WLMM project i want to save it as .avi but it wont let me.