Mythruna

The excavation project is currently in phase two. The workspace for the statue is in the process of being cleared after we filled all the water in.




Old post:

It's odd, really, how quickly time stops here. The progress that has been made has been marginal past what you see here. My studies and the other obligations I've formed to this community have left me at a disadvantage. Alot of what I do here really is to my academic detriment. Indeed, my studies are of great importance... but shockingly enough, the thought of my abandoning them just to tie up loose ends here has crossed my mind. It's terrifying, that I should so easily consider it; despite my better judgement and greater goals. Could it be that these ambitions of mine have consumed me more than I once thought? Really, I've been working to my own detriment here for months now, but there isn't a chance that I'd stop either.

I considered it for a good reason, because of a passing thought. "Well, at this rate, Paul would probably end up finishing the game before I finished this statue". I appreciate the value of time more now, but nothing will change. I look at this painting before me in a new light, but I stand no differently. I have learned of a danger, but pursue it regardless. How foolish. I suppose it's only fitting that all I write is intended to have a mourning undertone. Alone, I will always stand to lose something precious. That is inevitable, I suppose. I have a team for this project, yet I work alone. There is a great community here, but I am in solitude. Alas, my ambitions will always be met with great cost, it would seem. Worse yet is the realization that, for most, this will seem to be little more than frustrated rant, subtly placing blame on an innocent population. I know what is most equitable, essential, to my survival in this world, but I still yet go against the tides of logic, that which I pride myself on. Why, I do not know. Love of what has been done, or what may be? A desperate grasp for relevance?To fill the hole that I can almost feel in my heart? To escape from something? Nevertheless, and regardless of reason, this project, no matter how much time I must exhaust, no matter how many hours of study must be deferred, will be completed one day.

Maybe I should have settled with being a writer, though I never will. They all have an excuse to go mad, after all.


... But, I have changed, just like you. I remember a time when I dreamed of reviving dying cities and bringing grass to a vast desert... I once dreamed of quenching thirsty landscapes, and changing the world, saving it, even. Now those memories are smiles I've learned to fear. I learned, perhaps, the hardest truth to realize. The act of living is tantamount to sin. To live like we do is, inevitably, to take from something else... But we don't easily learn that. How can we come to terms with the fact that in the end, no matter how much we may propagate life, our own life or the lives of those we help will lead to the death of another? We may never know who dies because we had the privilege to survive. I dream about a world that is dark now, and... I'm okay with the tears I dream up. The truth is, I'm not even sure if I know what mourning is. My father died when I was eight, yet I shed nary a single tear myself. It disgusts me, but enchants me. I'd love to see my world appear before me, this world where light is what is feared, and where man is no longer man. I want to see a world come to terms with the fact that humanity is an illusion, and yet I do not. I care about everyone, but I'd be just as ready to know the feeling of seeing the world fall apart around me. These thoughts haunt me, the same way my inspiration haunts me and forces me to write. I want to be compelled to mourn, just once. I want to feel genuine joy, just once. To feel just once. I don't feel complete, really. I put up a good show in real life, but the fact of the matter is... Everything feels distant now. As I write this, it becomes even more so.

... Maybe I've just grown up in one way, but not the other... Or maybe I let my feelings get consumed by these dreams of mine.

At any rate, few will read this and fewer will say anything.

All that said, this project... It gives me time to think. I don't really know what about, though. They're thoughts that I can't really express on paper, or even think about in silence. Does that mean I don't know? I'm not sure, but I feel as though it has something to do with the reason I started this project... It almost reminds me of doublethink, from 1984. What I'm fighting for here and what I know are in conflict, though not as interchangeably as the books' rendition of it. I believe in a paradox, I suppose. A truth that disproves itself... But I can't imagine seeing the world any other way. I'll soldier on as long as it takes. like I said before... An army of one, now.


Two and a half columns are completed after 30 hours of work. One day that big green blob I showed you guys will see the light of its' first Mythrunain day. Yet another thing that is slowly stripping the real world away from me. Maybe if I wasn't so inclined to resist psychologists, I'd have been able to simply drop the project when I was told the workspace couldn't be cleared. Then again, the despair off endlessly filling in and emptying and filling in and emptying and filling in and emptying and filling in and emptying these miniscule chunks of land that are really just bits of data... confer the ultimate form of solitude. Maybe that's why I made the floors black, this void I've let become my centerpiece. I think about this far more than I let on. It stirs alot of emotions. Despair, anger, solitude, solemnity, mourning, too many things for me to list without having to revise it later. It's frustrating knowing that each block placed and each block destroyed only constitutes one three-millionth of the whole. It's crushing to see that nothing really has changed, and humbling to see just how little a single person can do in thirty hours. It's all cloaked by the possibility that this dream of mine may already be dead, rotted and gnarled by time-- or perhaps a lack thereof. Is it madness to be so deeply affected by your own fiction?

No...

The truth is, reality is something I loathe.

Catcher in the Rye, The Great Gatsby, Lord of the Flies, The Diary of Anne Frank, Romeo and Juliet, Macbeth, To Kill a Mockingbird, hell, even Farenheit 451. All wonderful works, some of which I even enjoyed, but deep down I have reason to never read them again.

I have read Franz Kafka's "The Metamorphosis" eleven times, yet can't stand the rest of his work.

I've read dozens of sci-fi novels, but there was always something missing; yet I still remember one story in particular, about the child of a human and an alien species that sheds its skin to change its' appearance reaching maturity. That is one story I wish I had the privilege to revisit.

I've traveled to over ten cities and have visited one of the best resorts on the east coast, yet the clarity of Franz's rambling, of that one sci-fi story, and even of my own fiction is so much greater. Maybe I just don't care. I've learned to shrug off death, to an extent. I think my whole family has. In fact, my uncle-in-law just passed away a few months ago and we only spoke a few disinterested sentences about him when he died. That was despite the fact that we knew him quite well. Even so, I'm almost brought to tears when I think of my own fiction, what hasn't even happened. What's so different about the people I made up and the people I've spoken to in real life? How is it that I'm crushed by something that hasn't even been put on paper yet? How am I so deeply affected by fiction? By this?

How can I so easily discard the tragedy of The Great Gatsby and the Diary of Anne Frank, yet can't go halfway through The Metamorphosis without bawling?

In the post above this, I accidentally said "this dream of mind"... Heh. I wonder what Freud would say.

Despite even THAT, I tear up a bit, in joy, thinking about what may happen when this is completed. What will happen, though the appraisal of it will no doubt be wonderful... isn't my goal for building this. It's one less thing to worry about, andone more thing to celebrate when it's done, though. I may never have such a privilege with my writing. I'm not even comfortable being associated with what I write, really.Even the invitation to become GM for the first RP was something I had to pay alot of thought. I think I said it before, but I'm a tad unorthodox. I think it shows here, when I pour my heart out. You have the privilege of seeing deeper into me than I'd even let my own family see. It's... safe here. A real home, free of judgement... visible judgement, at least.

I am inspired anew. I'm gonna try to clear out two columns today. Who needs sleep anyway? :P

Are you at least using an auto-clicker?

Yes. Interesting how my calculations still keep true though. Between building the scaffolds for the walls and actually filling them in, each column averages at 10 hours of work.  The autoclicker only helps with about half the work, really. It's maddening spending this much time digging a hole, but I'm really not building this for my health.

EDIT: It's only been two days, but my hands are already unsteady from all this clicking and stuff. Ahh well, I can still move my fingers at least.

I've been thinking... Is there a chance that all this building might corrupt the leaves or something? I'm making thousands of edits in relatively short periods of time.

Also, four columns are now clear. Man, my hands are not liking this at all.

I'm going to try clearing five more columns. I have a more... Intensive method to clear them. It's gonna take all night, but I'm sick of this. I'm going to finish this here and now(and by this I mean five more columns).

Nah, shouldn't be any problems.  Edits are all done sequentially and files are saved at a delay so changes are batched.  The only danger with auto-clickers is that if you have them set too rapid then you can overflow the network buffers.

I managed to completely fill five columns. However, my power supply is getting super hot so I'm gonna have to call it a night. I made tons of progress though.

I've improved upon my wall building method. Scaffolding can be built about 33% faster. My parents are having their anniversary dinner tonight, but I'm not going to be attending. This takes precedence for now.

Effective immediately, the excavation team is disbanded. I'm at a point where I'm more efficient alone and, well... I don't want to take up other peoples' time with this.  EBag, Sean... Thanks for helping out in the beginning. Believe it or not, I probably wouldn't have gotten this far without you guys... But all good things must come to an end. It's my burden alone, now. I know you guys helped out to be nice, rather than because you wanted to, and that means alot.

(http://i62.tinypic.com/o5cnyh.jpg)

I skipped breakfast so I could get to work on this early. Now there are 16 columns that are water free. Seven columns can be filled in 14 hours, it seems. I also DID skip my parents' anniversary dinner for this, btw.

I'm going to fill the workspace with wall pegs. In total, there should be about 250 of these pegs These pegs will make it easy to construct the walls that make filling the workspace easier.

i can do some math now! :D

250 pegs*12 iterations/peg*30 seconds/iteration= 90,000 seconds

90,000/(60*60)=25 hours of filling AFTER pegs and walls are built.

Also, I just want to say something here... Years ago, I was on a minecraft server that was a giant desert... I lived in an obsidian box in the corner of the map and found a crater near a town I was allied with. I was weak, and never had enchants on my armor... But I thought I could change the desert, bring grass to it, make it look... alive. I filled the crater with water. I didn't really change anything, but that crater felt like an incredible accomplishment. I had almost forgotten about it until I listened to Lisa Miskovsky's "Still Alive" again, working on this statue. That's when I remembered that I filled that crater in a day. It was enormous, and all I had was a few stacks of dirt and two buckets... But I did it, against all odds. I had convinced myself that I made a miracle happen that day, and indeed, a town formed around that crater. Ever since, that song has evoked strong feelings. Feelings of importance, of what I now would call naive optimism.

All the wall pegs were constructed into walls as of last night. Now I just have to fill them in.

(http://i58.tinypic.com/8xllir.jpg)

I managed to fill in 31 chunks in about 30 hours. All that's left to do is clear out the sand and replace it with air, lovely air. Since there is no excavation team, I'm making a new team called the "Blow $#![ up!" team. Unlike the actual filling part, I have no clue how to remove the sand efficiently. It should average at an hour per column, though.

... I can't believe I wasted my spring break doing this.

Everyone is part of that team. The only objective is to clear the earth from the hole down to level 20.

(That means anyone can contribute.)

Oh my... That's incredible

It's all about technique. :)

Just to keep it fresh in people's minds... It's all good if you want to help out again. I won't have any time at all now, so the more hands the better.

Yeah, I spent a couple hours clearing out the excavation site earlier... There's really no way to make a technique for it. Just sweep.

I got zombie'd and launched back to spawn. :I


It would seem the area surrounding the spawn has deteriorated even further since my last visit. It's scary, really.

My laptop is ded and my desktop has no internet... so no work has been done for a while.

I'm taking the summer semester off so I hope to complete this now.

... It's not frustrating anymore, thankfully... I remembered what quenching the desert is like, and I'll never forget.

I came up with a technique, but it is far slower than the filling part.

The sand removal is about 1/4th of the way complete.

I discovered the screen brightness setting... and now my eyes melt during the daytime... but at least I can work on stuff at night now.

Kind of like real life.

I've been thinking about how I'm going to keep track of the positioning of the different layers as I build this lovely beast out... quite intimidating.

For some reason I just can't focus on this project too much without getting distracted. It's so strange, considering how fun removing 2657357 tonnes of sand from a giant marble box sounds.

I spent the day at a museum after spending the last three days doing intense gardening.

The gardening left me a little sore but...

When I left the museum, I did and still do suspect that when I take my boots off there's just going to be bloody stumps.

My stump feet and I excavated the workspace down to 75-80% completion. Super exciting! :D

Heheh... stump feet.

I fitted shovels onto them so I could work twice as fast.

I may or may not be done with the excavation.