There's a clear amount of potential, particularly in your creativity. I feel the main thing you should focus on would be in your descriptions and detail. The story seems to progress very quickly in only a few lines and it makes it hard to get an idea of the passage of time and I found it hard to immerse myself in the story as I couldn't really picture what was around. I'd suggest putting more description in. For example:
THEY were all floating off the ground and about to attack Maxwell for revenge.
You could describe the ground below them, their relative locations against Maxwell, the positions they're in, how the experience of floating feels to them considering this is all new, the depth of their feeling of vengeance toward Maxwell, how Maxwell feels being confronted by them (Is he scared? Shocked? Surprised? Eager to fight them?), etcetera, etcetera.
With a bit of work you could turn this sentence into a longer, more descriptive one; or you could turn it into multiple sentences; or even a whole paragraph and, by doing so, you could engage the reader a lot more and make you story a lot more real for them.
Also, never underestimate the power of detail, particularly the the senses.
Raxron called, "Henchmen!" Three trolls appeared in front of their eyes and three smaller dogs similar to Holy, but different in some ways came soon after.
What do the trolls look like? What do they
smell like? Are the dogs snarling? Are they bearing sharp yellow teeth that dripped with saliva as they anticipated biting into the flesh of their opponents?
If you're interested I actually have an example from my own book I'm writing about vampires that I think would be a good demonstration of heavy detail and senses?
I'd also like to say that it can be very hard to take criticism at times and I've probably said quite a bit here that may be a bit disparaging. I hope I haven't offended or insulted you as I am only trying to help. It can take a LOT of editing to bring an idea up to scratch sometimes and the best writers have entire teams of editors to pick up where they've fallen short of perfection. One of the most difficult things to do is describe a completed scene in your head in the very limited words of the English Language.
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