So, anyway, I want criticisms, lots of it. So please read it and tell me what you think.
This is only the first Chapter of eight completed so if ya'll want I have more.
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Creature Of The Night
(Working Title)
Chapter One, 2011
The darkness comforted him. There was next to no light around him as he walked through the alleys connecting the busy city streets. It felt good, the shadows seemed to drape around him as though they were a loose-fitting jacket. The bright daylight so beloved by mankind had always made him feel naked. Exposed. But this was comforting, it calmed him.
A scent caught his nose. The sweet smell of temptation walking down the alleyway in the opposite direction. It wasn’t until he’d picked up that delightful odour that he noticed the sounds she was making. The over-loud clicking of her footsteps on the ground. Her handbag tapping lightly against her waist with each step. The soft clicking of the buttons of her phone as she drunkenly texted whichever lover, friend or family member she thought would be able to decipher the message. She was definitely intoxicated, he could smell the alcohol both on her breath and in her blood. Once she was almost 30 feet away he could even taste her, almost feel his fangs piercing her skin. Then instinct kicked in. His broad, six foot tall form shrank as he crouched. He slowed down and edged into the shadows as he walked.
20 feet away. He could hear her heartbeat now and that only made her more irresistible. It also gave him even more of an advantage. He could hear her tiredness in the slow beating of her heart as it pushed blood through her slim, delicate system. He stopped, hidden in an even darker shadow of the alleyway, and waited.
10 feet away. Her scent, her heartbeat. So strong now it made his mouth water. He forced himself to remain still. He wanted to strike at the exact and most perfect moment. He wanted her to die before she knew what was happening.
5 feet away. Not long now. In a few seconds he could strike. He will strike.
She walked by him. Then, within half a second he made his attack. He moved behind her so fast it was hard to conceive any movement had been involved, he craned his head over her right shoulder until he almost reached her left and then pulled his head back to the right of her neck, slicing open her throat as he did. This lost him some of the delicious crimson liquid he’d been longing for. Thirsting for. But it prevented her from screaming which meant he could drain all of the remainder without being disturbed.
His fangs sank through the flesh of her neck, finding her Carotid Artery with ease. Every sense delighted as he drained her. The unique taste of her specific combination of essential minerals in her life-giving fluids engulfed his taste buds as the metallic aroma that wafted from it stimulated his nasal passage. The sight of the deep red elixir as stray droplets crawled into view, making their path from the twin piercings toward the ground, lightly caressing the contours of her body until they were each absorbed by the low-cut top loosely hanging from her breasts. The rushing of blood through the artery into the hollows of his fangs as it poured from her system to his, taking with it all its nourishment, its hidden strength and even her life. Even the sound. The sound only ears like his could pick up. A fast, strong rushing. Like some spectacular waterfall.
The feeding, unlike the initial strike, took minutes. She struggled at first but with his tight grip on her shoulders keeping her in place coupled with the enormous strength those hands possessed he hardly noticed. His senses were too overwhelmed to care about the light tapping of her fists and feet attacking his body. He didn’t even realise when his grip went from restraining to supporting. When she lost all her energy and died in his hands.
Once she was dry he took a deep breath, savouring the moment, and tossed her to the side. Wiping his mouth as he went he made his way to the end of the alleyway and back onto the unfortunately bright streets of Brighton.
He started walking home, a warm feeling in his cold motionless heart.